Bikes
Sometimes you just need to ride them to pretty places.
Lately I’ve been doubting myself, wondering if what I’m doing in the world really matters. Is purpose something that humans have made up to feel like life is meaningful? Is being vulnerable really a path towards the purpose I crave or is it Just showing People the easiest ways to hurt me?
Vulnerability is emotional exposure, but it’s also how I’ve been able to develop meaningful relationships and strong connections very quickly.
I don’t have the time or a desire for anything less.
Everyone who knows me well knows they have experienced the connection when I say we’re “best friends” or “kindred spirits” 5 minutes after I meet them. My heart has seen you and I know you are my people. and from the outside it might look like a schtik , but I really do feel that for everyone I tell it to.
I give with an open heart. Over the past few years I’ve purposely been building my community of kindred spirits. Opening myself up fully has been so freeing, but when I open up to the wrong people, it’s more painful than can be imagined. I don’t live with the defensive wall that most people keep, and that leaves me open to suffering. I loathe pain. Every time it happens, I seriously consider if the pain is worth it…. If I shouldn’t wrap myself in a blanket of boundaries and self protection. If I should make people earn my trust the old fashion way instead of giving it freely. I know it shouldn’t be all or nothing…but again, I live in the extremes. I also wonder if I should just wait til I learn the skills that allow me to have proper boundaries before opening myself up again, but I know I never could. It’s not the way I want to live.
So there it is. All the feelings. And writing them won’t make me feel better, but somehow it makes me feel less alone.
Like many, Brene Brown is my vulnerability guru…she put the words to the things I couldn’t express, so let me end with a condensed version of her words.
“Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings. It's not good or bad, light or dark. To feel is to be vulnerable. We often associate vulnerability with negative emotions like fear, shame, and grief, but it's also the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, and creativity. Vulnerability is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want a deeper sense of purpose and a more meaningful life, vulnerability is the path.
We've been conditioned to believe that vulnerability is weakness, but it's not. It’s uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Love is uncertain and risky, yet it's a fundamental part of life. Sharing our art, ideas, and joyful moments with the world, even without guarantees, is also vulnerability
We confuse feeling with failing and emotions with liabilities, dismissing vulnerability as weakness. But if we want to reclaim the emotional part of our lives, reignite our passion, and find purpose, we must learn to own and engage with our vulnerability. “